Let Me Tell You...

Howdy.

Ok, so after my rant the other day, I have decided to bring it down and really tell you about Foreign Land.  I was/am not a person of direct order.  Am I rebellious and a trouble maker?  No.  Do I not enjoy procedure and complete organization?  Yes.  This plays a major role in why I do not like it here.  Let us begin.

Each house in this neighborhood looks exactly the same.  As if they all popped out of a shoot from the sky after being constructed in some factory by underpaid employees in horrible living conditions that all work with two left hands.

The three shades of paint that all houses have are: Grey, Beige, and White.  Usually in that order.

All houses have one tree in the front yard, and two in the back.

The houses are all so close together that if I were to look out my window right now, I would see my lovely neighbors sleeping in their bed.  (I always have my curtains closed)

The grass's cut in all front lawns are the same size.

Each house has one two car garage door.

No cars can be parked on the curb on the left side of the street.

You know that Jackson Pollock painting with all splatters and dripping of paint?

That is what I would like to do to this neighborhood.  Add some color and creativity.  I would love Banksy to show up and art this place up!  Art is a huge part of my life and this bland, decorativless (I know it's not a word) lifestyle is not doing it for me.  I end this blog with yet another song.  I usually use this band as the punch line of some jokes, but it just feels right to use.

Better.

Embarrassed and Annoyed

Ladies and Gentlemen!  Boys and Girls!  Children of all ages!  The moment you have all been waiting for! My rant.  It will be divided into two categories, Embarrassing and Annoying.  Let the games begin.

It's embarrassing when we are walking down the sidewalk of a crowded city and you are pushing a double stroller that takes up both walking lanes then you stop to check your cell-phone.

It's annoying when you make all these comments about never hanging out with me, yet you work 7am-5pm and act like it's my fault.

It's embarrassing when you ask the waiter to separate each sauce in your dish because you don't want everything touching.

It's annoying when you ask to have a bite of literally everyones food at the table.

It's annoying when try to sing a very popular song but screw up the words in such a horrible way.

I am extremely tired.  Going to bed.  I will have more later.  #SaveBFK

Burned

Hello blogoshpere!

I apologize for my absence.  I ended up spending the last couple of days at the Grandparents house without my lovely laptop to keep me sane.  But here I am with some semi-amusing stories to tell and a shout out to give.  First, I will give my shout out.  Hello Blonde Blog Stalker.  I miss you, and love you!  And now back to the topic at hand, my life.  So the Fourth of July came and went very quickly.  Fireworks are illegal in Foreign Land except in one county.  So, my cousins and I, along with some family friends, went over to another friends house and climbed a hill.  At the top of said hill, we could see said fireworks legal county.  We sat up there for a good hour and watched Chinese invented explosions in the sky to celebrate American freedom.  Yet, America isn't that free.  I mean, yes we are free from the British and all that jazz, but internally, we are not.  But I digress.  The fireworks show was great! Nothing compared to those I see in the Home Land, but it was still awesome.  We then proceded to go home (I got to drive).

The next day, I had a very nice long swim in the pool.  And burned my back.  A lot.  Like, as red as the firework.  And now I am back in the house of Jolly White Giant.  Tired.  Oh so tired.  Countdown to Comic-Con has begun!  I can't wait to let my inner geek out!  So now, I leave you with a nice patriotic song.  Enjoy.

Yours truly,

BFK   

4.

Greetings and salutations.

Today, the number 4 is a big highlight.  Today is the 4th of July.  This is my 4th blog entry. Today is also the day that I bring to you the first photo of Guido!  We decided to take a trip down to the heart of the city and eat some crab.  Along the way, we met a plethora of... unique people.  One of wich that I can still remember at this time was a street performer who was playing and dancing in the same style of this man.  I gave him $5.  We then worked our way to the best crab restaurant in the entire world, nay, the Galaxy.  The crab is soaked in a sauce composed of butter and garlic goodness!  From there, we went to Ghirardelli Square and ate ice cream.  All in all when I look at it, pretty fattening day.

(This is Guido with Alcatraz in the background)

When we got home, She Who Will Not Be Named and the children went to bed.  Jolly White Giant and I watched some TV then later followed in their footsteps.  It is now 1:05am and I must be going to bed.   Good night, and happy 4th. (I know the song doesn't have much to do with America, but just go with it...)

Horseshoes and Hand grenades.

Greetings.

        (I chose this photo to make a point of how bad this man's form is.  And he has a funny hand...)

So today, I didn't really do much.  This blog will most likely be brief since, like I said just one sentence before this one, I didn't really do much. She Who Will Not Be Named took Jolly White Giant and I, along with the little ones, to her friend's House Party.  While the party was full of a bunch of nurses, I still managed to find something to do to pass the time.  Play Horseshoes.  Turns out, there was a Horseshoes tournament going on at the party and, by randomly playing horseshoes, I entered myself.  Oh great.  On the line: $71.  $5 to get into the tournament, but, because I am not yet an adult, I was free.  Winning.  My partner for the game was this middle-aged woman from LA.  She knew her horseshoes.  We actually one our first game (15-4) but the quickly lost our second (3-15).  So no $71 for me.  But I can throw a wicked curve shoe.  Long drive back to the house hold dwelling, pizza, and a new TV show on TNT called "Falling Skys."  Great show!  Deep in story.

Well my friends, it is almost 1:00am and I need to sleep.  I apologize for the lack of Guido photos but I promise to have one tomorrow.  So, to keep with the ending my blog with a song, I bid you adieu.

Day one.

So here I am.

I would love to write a rant about how I feel right now and go on and on forever, but I wont.  I landed in the foreign world today.  I got to spend all 5 hours of my flight next to two obnoxious people.  We will start where most good stories start, the beginning.  I boarded my plane and immediately looked for a window seat.  When you get a window seat, it is MUCH easier to fall asleep.  Well, much to my shagrin, I find my window seat and take it as fast as possible!  Victory is mine!  So I thought...

Sitting to my right was a nice, botox induced woman.  She carried with her two magazines.  This lets me know that she wont be bothering me anytime soon.  But wait, what is this?  A woman and her child come creeping down the isle.  They too pick the window seat.  The one directly behind me.  Throughout the entire first flight I am kicked in the back by the 3 year old spawn of Satan himself.  Of course, the mother does next to nothing to stop him, and I am left with a total of 0 hours of sleep. Joy.

Flight numero deux (see what I did there?).  Same plane but new seats!  I almost decided to take the one at the complete front of the plane because it had the most leg room and I am, well, big.  I mean, it's in my title... but I digress.  Almos everyone has borded the plane and so far I have the entire row to myself.  I start activating this people repellent to try and stray people way from me.  I fake coughed.  I pretended I had the black lung and people bought it!  Except for one.  I like to call her, Nature Granny.  She decided to take the middle seat (even though the isle is open) she sits down with a giant smile on her face and immediately asks me what any normal person would ask a complete stranger.  "Do you like fish?"  Oh, I am in for a long 1 hour and 25 minute flight.  I again got no sleep but I did get to here a bunch of interesting stories.  For example, Nature Granny once went on a 4 month bike ride from LA to NYC,  she has been to almost every country in Europe,  she learned fluent Portugese,  she speaks French in Russian.  That last one isn't true just making sure you are paying attention.  But, in all honesty, she was a very nice lady and left me with this "Live life like a tourist, and enjoy your existence."

Wow, thank you grand master Nature Granny.  That is actually a good quote and lesson.  So followers, I leave you with this:  Live life, like life is meant to be lived, in your eyes.

Yours truly,
BFK

The First.

Hello all.

Yes, this is the official blog of Big Funny Kid written by the one and only Big Funny Kid.  I am about to embark on a journey of mixed feelings.  Wheels up 10 am.  This blog will be brief.  Not all blogs will, but it is 3:10am and I need to wake up in 4 hours to go on my journey.  I am much looking forward to the awkward encounter with some friendly TSA at the airport, followed my my long flight(s).  I should arrive at my destination by around 1:15pm.  From there, the countdown to when I return back to The Homeland will begin!  Right now, it's approximately 28 days.

Which leads me to the first adventure of my blog: "The 28 Days Later Project."  I am bringing with me a little version of Guido from the Pixar film 'Cars' on my journey.  Every time something major happens in my day, I will photograph Guido at the scene of said amazing thing.  Only one picture of Guido a day though (But maybe, if I like you guys, I will upload all of his pictures at the end of his adventure).

I want to give a special shout-out to a few people I will miss the most.

First: The Mother Ship.  This is the lady who has done the most for me in my entire life.  She wiped my butt when I was young for heavens sake!  She has always supported me through all my endeavors and my accomplishments.  I will call you as much as I can or text you.  I love you mom.  Don't worry, I will be home soon.

And finally: Dog.  Bark bark bark, bark bark bark bark.  Bark bark bark...woof.

So there you have it!  My first.  Of many.  Luigi's adventures start tomorrow.  I will blog at night and know there is a time change.  Thank you all for your support!

Yours truly,
BFK

P.S.
Feel free to comment or leave questions on my blog. I will try and answer them or ask you my own questions too...